we're never getting engaged

oh fuck me upside down. things are so good and so bad right now that i just want to sleep for the rest of my life. so, boyfriend let me quit my job under that ego-maniacal, pervert, fuckwad shit-for-brains. and then said fucktard couldn't take it and he fired me the morning of my last day. and the state still granted me unemployment. and, quite frankly, i think they should have since i was basically terrorized into quitting in the first place AND because if the dumbshit needs to "win" so badly that he fires me... well, i got fired fair and square. and that's when he realized that *I* was STILL winning and he's appealing the decision. needless to say, revisiting my days at bodell construction and hearing mike's disgusting, cracking voice (god, i'll be able to smell that weird stench that eminates from his skin through the phone... i mean, all the showering and cologne in the world can't cover that shit up) is stressing me the fuck out. but here's where it all really went awry. so, i was being terrorized at work to the point that i was coming home sobbing on a regular basis... a VERY regular basis. and boyfriend is a good man. so, we talked about our budget and where we could make cuts (like i had no fucking idea in fuck how much we were paying our cleaning lady) so that i could quit and concentrate on my editing and sort of housewife or whatever. and when we decided this, he told me we would have to push the engagement ring back and i knew it was worth it. you know, sparkles can wait for sanity's sake and shit. so, he said that i would get it by our first anniversary, which is in a month and a half. this weekend we are going to the cabin for a mini-vacation and i was POSITIVE he was going to propose. dead fucking wrong. he forgot that he promised to propose within afore mentioned time frame citing my unemployment possibly ending as a reason. so, i'm kind of losing my shit because i need to be engaged. i love boyfriend and he is the only one for me, but motherfuckfuckfuck, i CANNOT go ask a priest to use their services and their church to get married if i'm not FUCKING ENGAGED. and that probably means that all the churches will be booked on november 12, so... fuck it. i'm so fucking depressed.

also, i made us start a vegan cleanse that goes for fourteen days. we've made it through a day and a half. fucking VEGAN. i LOATHE vegans. and no booze. FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS. and like super vegan... no breads or pastas or any of that shit. just kill me already.